Archive for April, 2009
What does yours look like? The real cum up
There are many kinds, colors, tastes, smells of flaps & holes…
Call them what you will, here are a few names you might want to try:
Butterflies, Tooties, pussys, flaps, piss flaps, meat curtains, sausage wagons, hallways, dick drainer, cum dumpster, whore holes, slutts, slitts, musket shots, buttery ovens, sausage soup, fly trap, dick oven, meat fight, fistable, endless hole, dark cave, breeder, oven, back door, hot spot, cum bucket, baby storage, shit, hair pie, bush whacker, dick place, Vag, vagina, funny pussy, all you can eat, womb, sperm bank, fat pussy, romp room, house, behind enemy lines, bone yard, bush hour, target, penis popper, riding trails, pink eye, nest, bootie, penis flytrap, cunt, slit, pink pearl, twat, bald man in a boat, tita, kitty, beaver, fuzz pocket, bearded clam, coochie, flower, cum bucket, chinas, va-china, honey pot, snatch, garage, envelope, kooter, poo tang, winkie dinkie, hot oven, hoo hoo, wee wee, Minge, Mingy, verticle smile, muff, and my all time favorite hatchet wound.
ESPN interview with Chad DeGroot, talks about everything from Versa to kids
Brian Tunney works at ESPN now. We have been friends and flatland associates for a long time. He actually, if I can remember clear, saved my head from getting run over by a car. It was an XGames after party. Free Yager and nothing to do after the comp. Fell off my bike and almost into traffic. Only broke a few Read more…
My mom found out about my DUI and just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. What should i do?
“I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am” Read more…
bunny opens letter and Hipsters
If you think bunnies are cute, check this one opening a letter. So cute. If you want to see what bunnies look like in Amsterdam in the red light district, click this and enjoy. Some are bunnies, most are not. Some are fat slobs. Slobz as Gentry would say. Ridaz…Hipsterz… Read more…
This one time I went to the ASA in Minneapolis…
Shit sucks nothing to do on the plane. Dave gave me a mag from the uk called “Loaded”. Pretty much just boobies n midgets. On my way to ASA thriple jump in Minneapolis, doing the judging thing. Flight waitress is a cunt with short hair and skinny with 3 chins. Weird combo. She had the most obnoxious Read more…
LA Women + trails edit
Youtube yanks videos if the music isn’t OK’d, eat shit. Don’t get me wrong, youtube its amazing, but when you put some work into an edit and it goes down, shit. Here is a UGP trip we went on with Baker, Foster, and Mulville out in LA for the Daily Habit, just so happens we stumbled on some trails to. Read more…
Top Ten pornstars of all time by a famous dirt jumper
I sent out some emails to get some funny shit for my site. One was “Top Ten Porn Stars”. This is from, well lets say his name as Adam and he has been know to be a baker. His family googles his name here and there and he doesn’t want it on this post, specially what porn he looks at each day. He is the best dirt jumper and knows his porn. Read more…
Fail, fail, fail
Holy shit, not sure what else to say or tell you about these pics. FAIL might be the only word that fits correctly. I can’t wait to travel, everytime I do there are some amazing people or things that I need to shoot. Specially airports, you could sit there all day and see the characters. Ohh shit, one better, the courtroom. Nothing better than hearing people talk or defend themselves in court. The last shot makes me wanna puke in my mouth…sorry about that one. Read more…
Women falling off tables and some questionable pics
Here some videos of hot and not-so-hot girls falling off tables or ladders. Holy shit this is good. Couldn’t just leave you with some videos to watch, check the pics after, I love humans. Click here to see some good riding shots. Welcome to Florida… Read more…
This goes to 11, is she filthy?
Spinal Tap is one of the greatest movies of all time. If you have ever gone to 11 or wondered how filthy a girl really is? This blog sets the record straight…I have to warn you, this is going to be addictive, just like when i posted this. Read more…
What’s the last thing you ate?
My friend Shoe-g in Japan sent this link, but it lead into some funny japanese humor and the best clip is two girls playing around on the beach and topless on a motorcycle. Trust me those funny ass Japanese are always up to something, I am gonna find out. Thanks Shoe-g. Lastly is a pic of Catfish and BK Read more…
Save the Trails edit
VitalBMX has this edit on their site, so if you have to, click here to watch it or just scroll down and yank it on this site. Let me break it down for you. Everyone helped out the trails house by giving a minimum of $10 donation and you got a sweet shirt and riding all day. All the chicks modified their shirts Read more…
Trashing apartments in Iowa
I have lived in many apartments and done a good job trashing them. Sticking heads through the drywall, not cleaning anything, and just fucking it up. Jeff from Iowa sent me this, pretty good. Amazing place trashed with spray paint and holes all the way through. I love this shit. Thanks Jeff. Read more…
Ugly day, so ghost ride da whip
There are some weird people in Florida, some are from here, most are not. Can you guess who is from here and who just lives here? Welcome to Florida. The Japanese guy is good and you just don’t see really skinny people anymore. Weird Florida. Read more…
Flip a bitch and Guess her Muff
This was sent to me today and worth the click. If you like to laugh or just like new sexual moves, this one is for you and who ever your with tonight. The guy who sent this also had this to say ” I went on a date with this Filipino chick once that annoyed me all night telling me about this $100 shirt she bought and was wearing and sooo stoked on it. She gave me a blowjob later that night and i pulled out and shot it up the front of the shirt on purpose and ruined that fucker. She was PISSED”
The man. The legend…nigga himself
“Dennis tried it this weekend on a fat Jew bitch. So i guess thats a Jewflip of sorts”
Also, this one made me shoot snot out of my nose and cry at the same time, I really love this one. Guess her Muff
Boobs a bouncing, relay race with boobs bigger than me
“Were #1, we have the ultimate tit strenght” thanks to Chris at blackout for this beauty. There must be a huge tit club or something. These girls need to work my booth at interbike or something. Shit.
Some good shit you just have to see
Sometimes you have to go back and check out some trailers and realize how good they are. Below are a few favorites of mine, didn’t want to keep it all BMX so the Beastie Boys video is a must own. Decide for yourself. Can’t figure out how to embed porn yet, when that happens were gonna go for a ride. Go suck it. Read more…
Chris Duncan interview part 1
Brian Tunney at ESPN did a good interview with Chris, click here to check it out, for sure worth it to get a feel of what goes on in his mind. But as you know, this is the other side of Chris , unedited for your reading and viewing pleasure. This is part one of an ongoing interview that might take years. He was quoted as saying “I’m on the Mystery ship and I’m enjoying the ride.” After seeing Chris Duncan’s name all over the comeup board as CDC, I wanted to see what really goes on with Chris. He lived down here in Florida, now he resides north of San Francisco. I got to know Chris pretty good when we were filming for Baco 9, he has some awesome lines from Mission Skatepark. Then he moved out to Cali and started doing the Cali thing. One time we were out drinking and he was out of his mind. He walked up to a black chick and said, “ Hey girl, I wanna get some of that chocolate love”, not sure how it turned out, but I knew he had gone to another level. Then he started popping up in mountain bike magazines. Well, to make this intro short, lets get to the bottom of this; this is Chris Duncan for your enjoyment…Here you go, lets get this started: Read more…
Dave McDermott doesn’t really look at web edits part 2
So this is part two of Dave McDermott doesn’t look at web edits and he really got into this one…weeeeeeed. Blaaahhhhhh baaaaa buhhhhhhhh…WOW.
Web videos have to be the greatest thing since weed. Think of something funny you have seen, a few clicks later and we’re there man. These are just a few quality examples of how entertaining the web can be. enjoy… Read more…
Dave McDermott doesn’t really look at web edits part 1
Asking Dave to give me his top 5 edits was kinda weird since he doesn’t have a computer. But what he gave me was sweet, I didn’t even know about the skapegoats edits. They are really good and worth the look. Just as i was loading this Dave sent me another top 5, so i guess I could do top 10 with Dave? or part 1 and 2. Thanks Dave, your the best janitor Mesh has. Read more…
Top 5 with James “The virgin” Covington
James works for me at Mesh Skatepark and is a fucking wild character. He is down with BMX and couldn’t hold back by showing his infatuation with poo poo porn as seen in the second edit. Couldn’t find the embed on this, so suck it and click the link for some brown fun. There is a sweet edit from the “nothing says pussy like light beer” Enns, and to top it off with a pickle surprise. Happy as hell he didn’t pick that pickle jar edit, that thing sucks…thanks James, go use your dick now, Marian where are you?
7 YEAR OLD STEALS CAR, YANKED THAT THANG
I can’t wait till my kid is 7, fuck it, maybe he will steal my sweet mini van and do what this kid did…actually he probably won’t cause he isn’t a fuck up. But we do live in Florida so anything is possible. Maybe meth, maybe bang n have a kid at 9, who knows…watch this shit and love Florida. Read more…
Top 5.2 edits from BK
Since the web edit overload this past year, I am to blame as well, some edits get overlooked. BK sent me over 5.2 of worthy edits that need to take another look. I am going to have to agree with him on most of these, but these are BK’s and not mine. Working on my top 5, sit tight…here you go Read more…
The check list and how it originated
One night I was a little buzzed and thought about all the other flatlanders signature tricks and wondered if I could do them. This was a time when biting was only done by Trevor and pretty much frowned upon, not like today. So I went out a little tipsy and tried Andrew Farris’s full bar to hip pack. It wasn’t pretty for awhile, being dark didn’t help either. But after some commitments I hit it and rode out. Called Freimuth and the start of the check list commercial began. Take this commercial any way you want. What i did learn from this is that other peoples tricks are pretty tough, but way tougher to do them in a commercial on a list, or are they? Read more…
Have you eva online dated? BIG K SHADY PORC does
This is a little long, but it starts full throttle…start laughing NOW!!!
Seizure man
by menstrual_sweatpants_disco on Feb.19, 2009, under GhettoPhresh
Identity used for this conversation:
“GhettoPhresh”
Victim’s name:
BIGK SHADY PORC
Photo:
Message he sent me:
how are u doin,how was your day.are u involved with anybody are do u have a maqn and if u dont are u lookin for one.i just stop by to show u some luv.hit me bacc ok please,please,please,please,please,please,please,please.
My response:
niiga, you’s fine. how u do?
holla
Lakendra.
Him:
SO BEAUTIFUL CAN I GET 2 KNOW U AND AFTER I GET 2 KNOW U CAN I BE THE 1 4 U AFTER THAT IF ITS OK WITH U BEAUTIFUL
Me:
aight nicca, i give you’s a shot. so wut u into?
wats fresh?
Him:
NOTHING TRYING 2 GET 2 KNOW U IF ITS OK WITH U
SO BEAUTIFUL what’s ur name
where do u stay
hyow old r u
what type of man do u like
do u have any kids
what r ur like and dislike
do u have any tats r piercings
do u have a job r a car
r u a freak
do u wear thongs r g-strings
do u play with yourself dont get mad ok
do u have phone sex dont get mad ok.
u can ask me question 2 ok
hit me bacc please,please,please,please,please.
Me:
SO BEAUTIFUL what’s ur name
Lakendra
where do u stay
i’s ova in compton
hyow old r u
im how eva old u want me 2 bE lol!
what type of man do u like
depends!
do u have any kids
nope
what r ur like and dislike
i like grape soda and i hate tawkin in real English
do u have any tats r piercings
I have a Cephalotripsy tattoo right above mah bootie
r u a freak
hammock rodeo sauce
do u wear thongs r g-strings
both
do u play with yourself dont get mad ok
only when I’m droppin a deuce on tha john
do u have phone sex dont get mad ok.
yes
so tell me about urself, nicca?
<3
Him:
i am 23 but i am turnin 24 on april,9 i am a aries
i stay in gardena ca
i like a woman that not a cheaters and not a golddigger. like 2 have fun like 2 play video games like 2 hang out and go places somtimes are like 2 watch movies and talk about there problemes.
no kids
my dislike is golddiggers and chears ,liers
i have 6 tats and both side of my ear piercings
i dont have no car but i have a job but shit goin slow so i am lookin 4 new job
i drink but i dont smoke weed nomore its been 3 years since i stop
is there anything else u want 2 know.
I never responded. Several months pass before I start it up again.
Me:
Sup playa? Long time no tawk.
Him:
i just been thinking about and trying to see wats good with me and u i thik we will make a good couple what u think.
holla bac.
Me:
oooooo, u a sweet thang. Im up for givin it a shot. We shuld go out sumtime. wear u gonna take me? 
Him:
WELL I CANT REALLY DRIVE R DO NOTHING YET CUZ I HAD A SUIZURE AT WORK
SO DO U WANT TO BE MY G/F YES,NO R MAYBE
Me:
mmmmmm I love suizures
Him:
why u love suizures
so wats good with me ad u
Me:
Theys has good food. my bitchass loves me sum spagetty. mmmmmMMMMMM yowyy kaZOWWY!
Him:
i mean to tell u i had a seizures on june 17th
Me:
ohhh, Im sorree to here dat. Did u not pay ur car payyments or sumthing?
Him:
here my cell its (310)704-xxxx call me r text me anytime k
Me:
I dont understand why u wont b mah boyfriend.
Him:
uz i can be that right man for that going to treat u right and be there for u
Me:
oh god, i dont understand why we cant be 2gether. why dont u lyke me?
Him:
i do like u cuz u r beautiful u seem like a can be a cool person 2 talk 2 ans its seem like we got somthing in common and i do want to be with the question is that do u want to be with me
Me:
i dooooooo want 2 b wit chu. soooo much! i jus dont no if i cans wait till u get outta prison. i am a woman and haves neeeeds
Him:
what the hell u told u i am in prison i am not in prison what is u talking about
Me:
i thot u said u was in prison? ur the one who told me. its ok if u r. i dont judge. we all make mistakes.
Him:
naw i said i cant drive ,smoke r drink cuz i had a seizures at work
do u know what a seizures is ha
Me:
it’s wen they takes stuff away frum u rite?
Him:
naw is when u fall out and be dizzy and dont know where u at
baby for the last time i am not in prison k
you r to beautiful 2 be single
u need a man that going to treat u right and be there for u and a man that is faithful to u like me and keep it real and a nice guy like me.and call and check up on u and lisen to ur problems and see how r u doing and is not all about sex and be with u for ur personlity.
Me:
so ifs u fall ova in prison all dizzy like, dont they steals ur stuff?
Him:
i am not in prison for the last time where r u getting this 4rm
Me:
I just don’t understand why you refuse to by my boyfriend.
Him:
so why u want me 2 be your boyfriend ha.holla bacc please,please,please,please
Me:
I want you inside of me while you’re having a seizure. I’m so fucking wet right now thinking about it.
Him:
so do u want to be my girlfriend yes r no and r u going to faithful 2 me
what do u have on right now
can i get ur cell phone number
can we have phone sex
Me:
mmmm. Right now all i havs on is a tight black thong & bra. and fishnet stalkings. I want u 2 tell me how u touch urself before i call u.
Him:
my big dcc is on super hard i will put my hand inside my boxer on grab my big dicc and go up and down on my big dicc and start playing with it
Him:
i want to be your boyfriend right now if its k with u
do u have myspace im
Him:
do u want to be my girlfriend
when r u going to be my girlfriend
why u dont want to be my girlfriend ha
This guy is out of his fucking mind.
Me:
mmmmm thats so hawt. Your bad grammar makes me soooo wet. Im touchin mah pussy right now. it feels so good. tell me more about ur big dicc…
Him:
WISHU CAN COME AND PLAY WITH THIS BIG DICC AND R START JACCING IT OFF R COME AND SIT AND RIDE THIS BIG DICC
CAN I PLAY WITH YOUR FAT PUSSY
Me:
ummmmm yes. I loev it whens u tawk dirty. i want 2 ride ur big dicc. wut will u do 2 me while im ridin u?
Him:
i want to have that rough sex and fucc u doggy style and choke u spank u and pull ur hair.kiss u and succ on ur tits and nipples and play with them
Me:
ohhhhhhhmygod yes! i loves it wen u talks dirty. i want u 2 play wit my dicc as yous has a seizure on me
Him:
you mean u want me 2 play with ur pussy that what u mean ha
so do u want to be my girlfriend yes r no.holla bacc please,please,please,please
Me:
uhhh, yes. My pussy. That’s what I mean. How foolish of me…
And yeaah, id luv 2 b ur girlfirnd
Him:
so we r girlfriend and boyfriend now and can i get your cell phone number if its k with u
Me:
I guess.
Him:
are u going to put me on ur top
here my cell phone number its 310-704-xxxx call me r text me anytime k
Me:
I want us to have sex NOW.
Him:
ok so what do u have on right now cuz im naked and my big dick is super hard i want to lick u up and down until u say stop i want to succ ur nipples and i want to play with ur fat pussy and have ruff sex and fucc u doggy style
Me:
OH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDD YES, SLAP MY FAT PUSSY!
Him:
ok i will slap that faqt pussy
do u miss me and do u be thinking about me
Me:
I WAS thinking of you. I want to drink your AIDS so sexilly.
Him:
what was u thinking about and send me a pics of u in a thong
Me:
I want u 2 send me a pic first. i want 2 see u hard .
Him:
i dont have no cam
so please send me a pics r come and jack me off
Me:
YOU’RE A COP!
Him:
hll naw i am not a com
Me:
Can you prove it? sorry. I have to be sure if we’re going to meet up and have sex.
Him:
i dont have a cam on me and pluse look at my pics do i look like a damn cop.
Me:
sorry baby. u could be undacova. knocko maybe. im sorry 2 ask about dat stuff but I got in trouble once befo like dat. my fiance that i dated for 4 years turned out 2 be a knocko undacover. 1 night we were doin coke off of a toaster and he arrested me and the fbi stormed in and raped me.
Him:
hell naw im not the under cover .i dont either deal with them. so you be doing coke.
Me:
I havnt dun ne drugs in a long tyme. dat part of mah life i left behind. bein raped by cops still happens alot tho.
Him:
damn for real
Me:
Yeah. So when are we gonna fuck? We’ve been boyfriend & girlfriend for awhile now and my pussy’s goin dry. I need your big dicc in my fat pussy.
Him:
when ever i get better cuz im sicc right now
Me:
wut chu got? I want it too
Him:
i have a cold.talk dirty 2 me
Me:
I want to roll you in mud and rub motoroil into your taint.
Him:
OH OK WHAT ELSE
Me:
I’m gonna make u fix mah car and den not wash your hands and den make urself a sammwich. Maybe go joggin and not wear deodorant mmmmmmm
Him:
WHAT ELSE
Me:
Imma get a real sexy anteater and make it ticle your ass with its tongue. Then Imma smear goldfish crackers and chocolate milk all ova ur chest while I empty a hoover’s vaccum bag into your beard while I play with myself on my period.
FINALLY… he stopped responding.
Me:
I hope you had another seizure, you fucking fruitcake.